Monday, March 25, 2013

Ryan's 15th bday

I would be lying if I said last week wasn't hard.  We hit the ten month mark and it was also Ryan's 15th birthday.  Thank you for all those who sent texts, cards, called us, visited and and sent gifts.  You helped carry us during a difficult week.


March 12, 2013
Ten months.  It was sure nice to have the snow gone.  I look forward to being able to get treats and eat them here with Ryan and not freeze. 
 It broke my heart to notice that a little baby had been buried near Ryan in January. So sad. She celebrated her 2nd birthday in Heaven this month. I feel for her parents. I hope they are doing ok.
 Afterwards we went out for Chinese.  On the way home my heart was heavy.  Ryan had loved that place.  We were celebrating him and he wasn't even able to be there with us.  It was hard.
Let's just say the kids have loved being outdoors.  Our grass survived the winter and it is wonderful for them to be able to play on it.  Last week Ethan helped me collect eggs.  It brought a smile to my face when one cracked in his pants pocket.  What a mess.  My kids want to wear shorts all the time even though it still gets cold.  Ethan now puts on pants and then his shorts over them to make us both happy.  He cracks me up.


Our little Leprechaun
I had fun helping at Adam's first grade St. Patrick's Day party. 
 
I came across this article in the February 2013 Ensign titled "Lifting the Hands Which Hang Down"   It really touched my heart as this father has felt so many of the things I feel.  I wanted to share this story because I have been told by so many that they just don't know what to say to me.  I thought this father put so many of my feelings perfectly.  This story could also help you know how to deal with others who go through different trials. 
First of all I want to thank so many that have done just what this article has said.  So many people continue to show us so much love and support and are very understanding of our family.  You will never understand how much it truly helps comfort our family.  We are forever grateful.
I did want to share a special experience that happened in February.  Mike and I were invited to attend the Rocky Mountain Jr. High choir concert.  During the last song, "You Raise Me Up", different students read letters about their heroes.  The first letter was to Ryan and was read by a sweet girl that was his friend.  We were so touched by her courage and strength to share this with us.  Later she came up to me and gave me the copy of the letter.  It is beautiful and I have wept many times reading it.  My heart was so full that night knowing that my sweet Ryan is still loved and missed and had a positive impact on someone's life.  Many others from our ward were there that night and said they were brought to tears as well.  Thank you so much for still caring.  Thank you for all everyone does for us.  Thank you.
I actually received two letters that night.  Thank you to the other special girl who gave me another one and for her sweet words that touched my heart so much as well.




"Lifting the Hands Which Hang Down" (This isn't the complete article.)


People often wonder how to appropriately comfort those who are grieving. The Lord has commanded us to “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees” (D&C 81:5). After passing through my own experiences, I understand more about helpful things to say and do for someone who is dealing with loss.

What Can I Say?

My experiences help me relate with increased compassion to people who have lost a loved one, but I rarely say “I know what you are going through” to someone who is grieving. That’s because everyone experiences grief differently. Family members who deal with a suicide face a very different type of grief from family members who grieve the loss of a grandparent who has lived a long, full life. People likewise grieve broken marriages, childlessness, and unfulfilled expectations. Each type of grief comes with its own set of questions and often a heavy dose of regret and emotional pain.
In all cases, those who wish to help will be most effective when they can be sensitive to the unique situation. It’s probably best to express your love and condolences to the grievers and avoid making statements about what they should do or how they should feel.
Toward the end of Emm’s life, my wife and I learned we were expecting a baby. Our son was born shortly after Emm died. We needed to clean out Emm’s room to make a place for our newborn, but every time we went into the room, we felt too overcome with grief to be able to begin. Someone came to me during this time and told me that I needed to be strong and clean out Emm’s room. This person had good intentions, but this remark lacked the type of empathy and understanding I needed.
People who want to help should be very careful about placing a time limit on someone’s grief. Some believe that people should be finished grieving after a year and a half. In my personal and professional experience, I have learned that the pangs of grief can recur years later without warning. It has been three years since Emmalee died, and I still feel tremendous pain whenever I visit the hospital where she was sick. This type of grief doesn’t mean that I’m depressed or inconsolable, but rather it suggests that I still miss the people I love.
I have found that the most helpful conversations occur when people share their favorite memories of my wife and daughter with me; it’s also helpful when they are willing to listen to my favorite memories. I often cry during these conversations, but that doesn’t mean my day is ruined. These interactions actually brighten my day. You don’t have to help people who are grieving to stop crying. It may seem counter intuitive to cause more pain, but I have found with my own grief that I’m in pain anyway, and these conversations provide a chance for me to release my feelings.

What Can I Do?

One of my most memorable experiences happened after my first wife died. My neighbor, whom I didn’t know very well, rang the doorbell. When I answered the door, he reached out and hugged me. His gesture of compassion touched me so deeply that I began sobbing. He continued to hold me as I cried. He didn’t say anything, but he communicated his concern and love for me through his actions.
Another friend in my ward owned a landscaping business. A few weeks after Emm died, he sent some of his workers over to our house to do the autumn cleanup. He didn’t know I would be home. I started to cry when I saw his team working in our yard. I went out and shook each one of their hands and thanked them. That same friend also planted a tree at Emmalee’s elementary school in her memory.
These experiences have taught me that it’s best to be empathetic and proactive about helping those who are grieving. If you take some time to observe, you can often come up with ideas for how to help that are specific to the grievers’ needs. You can help by providing a meal, giving a hug, sending a card or email, or delivering flowers. Sometimes it’s helpful to suggest specific days and activities, such as taking a walk, going shopping, or visiting the zoo. These actions will let the people who are grieving know that you are there for them and will support them when they are ready to receive your help.
Whether we are experiencing grief or comforting someone who is grieving, it is always good to keep in mind that people mourn in deeply personal ways. As we “are willing to mourn with those that mourn … and comfort those that stand in need of comfort” (Mosiah 18:9), we can become more sincere followers of Christ and enjoy a greater abundance of the Spirit.
I hope this can help you know a little more what to say and do to those that are going through hard times.


March 16, 2013

We had our families over to help get us through the day.  We couldn't have done it without them.  We had a "big sandwich" and lots of goodies.  The cousins had fun playing together and riding bikes.  Later we went to the cemetery and let off about 25 orange and blue balloons.  Many tears were shed.  It was so hard to see my kids and their cousins sad. 
We miss you so much Ryan.  Just think you would be getting your learners permit soon.  Yikes for me.  How big would you be??  Alex is now the size that you were.  I still could take you down though.
  
Jaime- our eggstra special girl


We have been busy working on Alex's Eagle project.  Last night we filled the last egg.  Yeah.  We are storing about 8,500 filled Easter eggs and 100 Easter baskets filled with toys downstairs.  Boy does the room smell yummy.  Alex has received a lot of help from the scouts and family members filling eggs.  Thanks a bunch.  He has a few things left to do this week and then the Easter egg hunt is on Saturday.  Wow, I can't believe he will be done come Saturday.  We are so proud of him and so relieved.  Looks like he will have his license in a few weeks so watch out.

Cute little Adam at the dentist last week.  He was the only one with cavities this year.  Yeah.  He was so brave and wasn't even scared.  Thank goodness for modern technology as he is watching a movie and has no idea he even got a shot.  Wish it had been that easy when I was a kid.  He is proudly collecting silver teeth in his mouth and I finally explained that that isn't a good thing.  


 So I have learned not to tease Mike about having to speak in sacrament the hard way.  Last week I had the privilege of speaking with him in our ward and next month I have to speak with him in another ward.  I can't even give him a hard time because he wasn't the one that asked me.  I have to admit it wasn't as bad as I thought and I felt honored to be up there with him.  I was actually more nervous wondering if my kids were going to behave themselves during the meeting.  I did sit down with them the entire meeting to ease my concerns except for when I spoke.


Happy spring and let us all remember the reason we celebrate Easter and rely on our Savior and the Atonement to help us and to bring us all home to him again someday.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Lotts of Long Horn fans



 Our little Long Horn fans!!!



February 12, 2013   9 months

Afterwards we went for shakes at Arctic Circle.  We keep them in business and they know me now because I go there a little to much.


Alex turned 17 on February 10th.  Wow has the time flown.  It's crazy to think that he will graduate next year and be serving a mission.  We love him very much and will miss him.  We are thrilled that he has finally had a growth spurt.  He is a little over 5'8 and is bulking up with muscle.  I am so happy he finally out weighs me but I have told him I could still take him down in a wrestling match.  He has recently started his Eagle project and will be done by the end of the month.  He is co chairman of the Hooper City Easter Egg hunt.  This is actually a huge project as we have about 10,000 eggs to fill and expect around 1000 kids to show up.  So far we have put together 100 Easter baskets filled with toys to give out and we still have much to do.  The Easter egg hunt is at 9am on March 30th at the Hooper park.

I celebrated a birthday this month as well.  It was so neat to have my little nephew Benjamin born on my birthday last year- Feb 29th.  It was fun to celebrate this year together.  His was a little nervous about eating his cake and I even joined the fun and ate some with my hands as well.



We finally completed the little apartment in our basement.  Mike's mom has been living there for about a month.  We love having her here and have been having a lot of fun together.  She was recently called to be our ward organist and the kids are so proud to see her up on the stand playing the organ.  Adam was wondering why it says Jeri Lott on the program and not Grandma Jeri.  Mike also recently received a new calling.  He has been called to be on our Stake High Counsel.  He is a little nervous but I know he will do a great job.  I have warned him that he had better not ask me to speak with him.  He tells me that if I don't quit laughing at all the meetings and things he has to do he will make me.  Ha ha.  Little does he know that all I have to do is embarrass him really badly the first time and then I will be off the hook.  Just kidding.  I told him I would be honored.  The only real down side to the calling for me is that he has to have a clean shaven face.  I really liked his goatee (no clue how to spell it).  Oh well, such is life.  That's not a good enough reason to turn down a calling.
We are doing very well.  It's hard to believe that the year mark will soon be upon us.  Ryan's 15th birthday will be next week on the 16th and that will be a very difficult day as well.  I have invited both sides of our families here to help us.  I am thankful for the wonderful memory of his birthday last year.  My precious boy sat back and watched as his little brothers opened all of his birthday presents for him.  It was priceless to see the love he showed to them.  I am so thankful we have it on video.  We as a family have also had fun watching other home videos and remembering so many good times. 
This all still seems so unreal and I really have to take it a day at a time.  It still hurts to much to think about the rest of this earthly life without him and so I don't.  I just keep remembering that this is all for our good and someday we will know why.  I recently had to teach my young women about the Atonement.  I have relied on it so much this past year.  It wasn't just for the sinners.  Our Savior has suffered all our pains, sorrows, fears and disappointments.  He truly knows how I feel.  I am not in this alone.   My testimony has grown so much through reading the General Conference messages as well.  I have received so much peace and comfort and encourage all those seeking answers and comfort to look for them there and in the scriptures.  As I was writing this Alex came home from school.  He saw me crying and left and came back with the Bible.  He said they had read these verses today in seminary and he felt like he should share them with me.  I am thankful for his example to me and want to share these verses because they apply to everyone.   2 Corinthians 4:17-18   "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal;but the things which are not seen are eternal."

  Another good book I have read is "Let It Go".  It is about a father who lost his pregnant wife, unborn child and two other children to a drunk driver.  I cried so hard as I read his story.  What faith he has.  What forgiveness he showed.  I encourage all to read and learn from his example.  As I witness others who have had trials even worse then mine, I am given courage and strenght to continue on...  to love more, to serve more and to hold on until all that is unfair in this life will me made right through the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ.  For he has truly wept for us and our afflictions are engraven upon his palms.  I hope I can remember this this Easter season and throughout my lifetime.

Thank you again to all those who still remember us and help us in so many ways.